I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
