Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
