Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
