please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
