I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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