I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
