well you can't waste a boner
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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