if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
