He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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