Heybabeimwearingurpanties
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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