How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I love having hate sex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
