i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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