Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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