Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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