The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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