glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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