dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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