He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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