I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
