If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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