I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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