Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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