make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
