Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
