After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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