She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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