So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
