in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
