My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We need to get me chipped asap
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
