I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
