the condom got lost in my hair
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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