I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
