i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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