She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
