I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
