there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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