he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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