Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
