Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
