the new term for farting is butt boxing.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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