I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
