i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I would fuck him just for his dog
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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