We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
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Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
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Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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