the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
