i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
