I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
