If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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