So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
