Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize