why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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