I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
