News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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