Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
