When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
