maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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