matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
