he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
