I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
