Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
