This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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