You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
