if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
