Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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