i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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