That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
false alarm, still single
Randomize
