sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
