the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
