There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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