You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
