seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
