still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
