Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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