so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
