i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
