Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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