I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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