When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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