everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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