Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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